Before we get started, I want to warn you all that this post is kinda personal. It will not give you any tips on living in Japan or words of encouragement with your LDR/AMWF relationship, but it might hit home for some.
Stories like a person moving to another country to be with their significant other and living a happy life together ever after are numerous and always seem perfect and romantic. Hollywood movies have feed us with those type of stories, the ones where nobody questions if what they are doing is right, because they just “know” it’s right, when they are with the right person, their “soulmate”. In those stories, having doubts is considered a huge red flag that something is wrong with the relationship.
I, on the other hand, am questioning myself.
The idea of moving to Japan after I graduate from university has been on my mind for at least a year now. It’s not that I don’t like Canada; it’s just that it seems more logical that I move to Japan regarding the situation my boyfriend and I are in.
I love Japan as much as I love Canada. And I sometimes hate them both too, for various reasons. Now that I’ve been experiencing life in Japan for a total of almost 8 months, it seems more and more natural for me to spend at least a couple of years in this country.
My boyfriend, Hitomi, works at the same stable job since about 10 years ago. His income is good and his savings are doing well.
I, on the other hand, am a student who only has a part-time job that I perfectly know I will not pursue for the rest of my life. I am studying in a major that will allow me to travel. I have experienced Japan more than once and am even studying here right now. I know more about the Japanese culture than Hitomi does about the Canadian one.
Above all that, I can perfectly picture myself living in Japan.
Those are all logical reasons why I will probably move to Japan instead of Hitomi moving to Canada so we can be together.
But I would lie if I said I’m not anxious about this.
The ugly truth is, for the past several months, I’ve been complaining a lot to Hitomi about his behavior/flaws/things that are not perfect.
I’m usually a very laid back person, living my life day by day, but I’ve surprised myself making plans with Hitomi from day one, at the age of 19 years old. And when I say “plans”, I mean I can envision what my life will be like for the next 2~3 years (although of course, we never know what the future is made of). I think long distance relationships have that effect on a couple; you have to know the end date, and where, and how. This makes me plan a lot more than with my previous boyfriends who were living about 20 minutes from my house by car.
Not only that, but to be able to live together, it’s not just a “Hey, let’s live in an apartment and sees how it goes!”, it’s more like a “Hey, one of us will have to leave all his family and friends and come living in a country where the common language is not their mother tongue, and then see how it goes!” kind of thing. It’s a bit more complicated, so it has to be thought thoroughly and needs some planning beforehand.
But above all that, Hitomi has always made me want to plan things with him. He has a very calm, stable and logical view on how he sees our future together, so it’s always great to talk about plans, as I am a very head-in-the-clouds person. He keeps me grounded.
But recently, I’ve been suddenly second-guessing our relationship over very small things, like “He’s not telling me I love you/You’re beautiful like when we started dating” or “We used to never argue”, which is really stupid.
To be honest, I’ve been wondering if I will be happy, living in Japan with Hitomi. If it’s really the right thing to do. Even if this relationship is the happiest I’ve ever been in.
Although I perfectly know nobody’s perfect, I’m anxious. I know I will be dependant on him for at least a couple of months if I move to Japan and live with him. I will have to make a new circle of friends and I don’t speak a good level of Japanese yet, so I might have trouble without his help in certain situations.
Though, if there is one thing I can be sure of, is that I will always be able to count on Hitomi — in a way, he is my absolute opposite on that, with me being all indecisive all the time. He never let me down, nor did I ever felt like he would. But what if we’re not happy living together? Being so used to the long distance, is it going to be hard to live with each other? What if it doesn’t work out?
But as I know it’s going to be one of the biggest decision in my life so far, I guess I just really want it to work. Not having any doubts and fears would probably be weird, with me being a 21 years old woman and deciding to move abroad in about a year for at least a couple of years, if not permanentely.
I have to remind myself that even if it fails, then at least I would have had a unique experience. So I will probably just do like I always do, and jump head first into adventure.
What about you guys? Have you ever moved abroad and became an expat? How did it all turned out?