Japan-aholic

A blog about culture and love in Japan

On Being Anxious About Moving Abroad For Love

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Before we get started, I want to warn you all that this post is kinda personal. It will not give you any tips on living in Japan or words of encouragement with your LDR/AMWF relationship, but it might hit home for some.

Stories like a person moving to another country to be with their significant other and living a happy life together ever after are numerous and always seem perfect and romantic. Hollywood movies have feed us with those type of stories, the ones where nobody questions if what they are doing is right, because they just “know” it’s right, when they are with the right person, their “soulmate”. In those stories, having doubts is considered a huge red flag that something is wrong with the relationship.

I, on the other hand, am questioning myself.

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The idea of moving to Japan after I graduate from university has been on my mind for at least a year now. It’s not that I don’t like Canada; it’s just that it seems more logical that I move to Japan regarding the situation my boyfriend and I are in.

I love Japan as much as I love Canada. And I sometimes hate them both too, for various reasons. Now that I’ve been experiencing life in Japan for a total of almost 8 months, it seems more and more natural for me to spend at least a couple of years in this country.

My boyfriend, Hitomi, works at the same stable job since about 10 years ago. His income is good and his savings are doing well.

I, on the other hand, am a student who only has a part-time job that I perfectly know I will not pursue for the rest of my life. I am studying in a major that will allow me to travel. I have experienced Japan more than once and am even studying here right now. I know more about the Japanese culture than Hitomi does about the Canadian one.

Above all that, I can perfectly picture myself living in Japan.

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Those are all logical reasons why I will probably move to Japan instead of Hitomi moving to Canada so we can be together.

But I would lie if I said I’m not anxious about this.

The ugly truth is, for the past several months, I’ve been complaining a lot to Hitomi about his behavior/flaws/things that are not perfect.

I’m usually a very laid back person, living my life day by day, but I’ve surprised myself making plans with Hitomi from day one, at the age of 19 years old. And when I say “plans”, I mean I can envision what my life will be like for the next 2~3 years (although of course, we never know what the future is made of). I think long distance relationships have that effect on a couple; you have to know the end date, and where, and how. This makes me plan a lot more than with my previous boyfriends who were living about 20 minutes from my house by car.

Not only that, but to be able to live together, it’s not just a “Hey, let’s live in an apartment and sees how it goes!”, it’s more like a “Hey, one of us will have to leave all his family and friends and come living in a country where the common language is not their mother tongue, and then see how it goes!” kind of thing. It’s a bit more complicated, so it has to be thought thoroughly and needs some planning beforehand.

But above all that, Hitomi has always made me want to plan things with him. He has a very calm, stable and logical view on how he sees our future together, so it’s always great to talk about plans, as I am a very head-in-the-clouds person. He keeps me grounded.

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But recently, I’ve been suddenly second-guessing our relationship over very small things, like “He’s not telling me I love you/You’re beautiful like when we started dating” or “We used to never argue”, which is really stupid.

To be honest, I’ve been wondering if I will be happy, living in Japan with Hitomi. If it’s really the right thing to do. Even if this relationship is the happiest I’ve ever been in.

Although I perfectly know nobody’s perfect, I’m anxious. I know I will be dependant on him for at least a couple of months if I move to Japan and live with him. I will have to make a new circle of friends and I don’t speak a good level of Japanese yet, so I might have trouble without his help in certain situations.

Though, if there is one thing I can be sure of, is that I will always be able to count on Hitomi — in a way, he is my absolute opposite on that, with me being all indecisive all the time. He never let me down, nor did I ever felt like he would. But what if we’re not happy living together? Being so used to the long distance, is it going to be hard to live with each other? What if it doesn’t work out?

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But as I know it’s going to be one of the biggest decision in my life so far, I guess I just really want it to work. Not having any doubts and fears would probably be weird, with me being a 21 years old woman and deciding to move abroad in about a year for at least a couple of years, if not permanentely.

I have to remind myself that even if it fails, then at least I would have had a unique experience. So I will probably just do like I always do, and jump head first into adventure.

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What about you guys? Have you ever moved abroad and became an expat? How did it all turned out?

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Author: Jasmine

Jasmine is a 20-something years old French-Canadian student and part-time blogger who loves traveling, drawing, listening to (all kind of) music and eating (everything). To achieve one of her biggest dream, she went in Japan for two months and a half as a tourist in 2013. She was an exchange student at Daito Bunka University in Saitama (near Tokyo) during the year 2014 - 2015. She is now studying to eventually become a nurse back in Canada, so she lacks time to write about Japan. You can still read all her posts on her blog, since she'll let them there for you to enjoy :)

37 thoughts on “On Being Anxious About Moving Abroad For Love

  1. Pingback: The Pros and Cons of Moving Across the World for Love | AngloINFO World: Expat Life

  2. My sister has a similar story. She moved to Berlin to live with her boyfriend. Now they are married with 2 children. She is proud of her life choice. I wish you luck! Best regards!

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  3. Am also in a long-distance relationship where im in Singapore and my boyfriend is in Australia. We just did a trip to Vietnam for 3 weeks but we are separated and it’s back to our own countries again 😦 trying to recover from the overwhelming feelings of loneliness and sadness of separation by reading on other people’s LDR experiences and chanced upon yours πŸ™‚

    Feels better to know that i’m not alone and i’m also currently in the same situation of making the grand decision of moving over to Australia to be with him in a couple of months. Planning on moving over for a year for studies but it could also means moving over permanently depending on how things go between us. Am having the same fear and uncertainties about leaving my friends and family behind and moving to a new country. Fears like will I get along with his friends, will i make my own friends, will i be happy, will i learn to drive, am i really making the right decision blah blah blah. So many doubts running thru my mind everyday! But at the end of the day, not being able to be with him and sharing every moment together still makes my heart aches the most, that is when i know i am definitely moving over to be him regardless of what challenges im going to face. I guess it is the same for you πŸ™‚

    i really hope things work out for you and in the meantime, let’s hang in there and go for it! never try never know πŸ™‚

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    • So good to know we’re not the only one, right?! At the beginning of this month a cried because I knew I wouldn’t see my boyfriend for another month. But it does get better after a while, so don’t give up!
      Moving abroad can be pretty scary. For me, it has just been postponed for another 2 years minimum, as my boyfriend wants to spend at least a year in my country, Canada. Still, I know that time will probably come someday, or it will come for my boyfriend either way (if we decide to stay in Canada). That’s the hard part of intercultural relationships! Go us! πŸ˜€

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      • lucky u! just another month to go! mine’s not for at least another 3 months 😦 but yes not giving up πŸ™‚ all the best and can’t wait for u to be reunited with ur bf as well πŸ˜€

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  4. Pingback: What It Takes For A Long Distance Relationship To Work (LDR) | Japan-aholic

  5. I know the struggle. But I actually did give up everything to be with my love in Korea. And it’s not like the movies it’s not perfect and it’s not romantic just in a couple days we have argued and we have cried. But at the end of the day I love him and I would make this decision again and again. I do miss my family. I do miss America. I miss hearing English. But this is a part of growing up I left my family and now I have a new family. Because me and Daniel are now married so now it’s all downhill. I hope it works out for me and for you. In whatever decision you make.

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  6. I admire your honesty, and maturity that I definitely did not have at your age! Good luck with whatever decision you may make!

    Nothing to add to what have been already posted — all great advices! — and it is so true that the life happens regardless of your well-conceived plans, anyway. In your case, it seems like you have less to lose than to gain by moving, at least for the time being, to Japan and be with Hitomi-kun. Who knows, he may find himself wanting to migrate from Japan! At the same time, just like you say about the Hollywood rom-com myth of “THE soul mate,” I don’t think one would ever find the “perfect” place where one would be in constant bliss. While I am not downplaying the real barriers you will face by living in a foreign country (its culture and legal system), your life would not be perfect in Japan, Canada, or anywhere else. Happiness, I think, lies in your effort to make the best of your given situation.

    So you are realizing that the more you spend time together with your loved one, the more you are finding faults in the other? Well, Jasmine, welcome to a marriage/long-term relationship (ha ha)! Seriously, though, the joy of relationship is precisely in dealing with and communicating about these issues (inter-cultural or not matters little). You both will continue to learn to communicate with each other well, and the process never really ends.

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  7. Hi Jasmine, it’s great to hear another post from you. I completely understand your thinking. You are being completely normal and these are things I have been thinking as well! Now I am back in the UK with M, we are not even thinking about the future. Whereas, in Nepal with M and his family, it was in my face every single day and I knew I was going to have to make some sort of decision to move back there soon.

    It is never an easy decision to make. You have come so far in your relationship. You have lived there for a long time and taken up the language! I really think you two will work it out and there will be no need for you to feel you have at least taken away a life experience. I think your feelings are normal but you are very grounded and sensible which will only be a benefit to you both.

    I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you choose! But just remember we are young and there is plenty of time left in life πŸ™‚

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  8. Hi Jasmine! I am Dutch and moved to Japan in 2007. By then I had been in a 3-year LDR with my Japanese boyfriend. We met while we were exchange students at a university in the States. After our time in America he moved back to Japan and I moved back to Belgium and later the Netherlands. After I finished my Master’s degree I moved to Japan to teach English at an Eikaiwa near Nagoya, and of course to be nearer to my boyfriend who lived near Osaka. We were basically still in an LDR, but the distance between Nagoya and Osaka is much easier to conquer than between Europe and Asia. My first year in Japan was tough and I had many doubts. During my second year, I transferred to a school in Osaka and we were finally able to see each other every weekend. I loved life in Japan and our relationship flourished. After three years in Japan, we got married and moved to the States together. That was the first time we lived in the same apartment together. It was a small studio apartment (similar size to Japanese apartments) and after some adjusting to each other it was a great experience. We lived there for three years while my husband obtained his Master’s degree there. Last year we moved to the United Kingdom together, we both work here full time and we have a little boy on the way! He’s due in April. We’ve been together now for almost 11 years, we’ve lived all over the world together and our relationship keeps getting tighter and tighter. We’re planning future moves to other countries. Moving abroad for love and becoming an expat was the best decision I ever made. We’ve gone through rough times, lots of anxiety and doubts, but that’s all normal and part of life. I love the adventures of new cultures, I love my Japanese man, I love our life :).

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    • Aww that’s so sweet! It’s so nice to read such stories~
      We might end up doing that too, traveling around the world and discovering new cultures. Who knows!
      I’m glad it all turned out right for you. Thanks for your support and giving me hope πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  9. This is such a relatable post, and I really appreciate the honesty with which you wrote this. I hope you find a way to get through this tough time – but I think you already have a really good attitude. To be honest, I think a lot of bloggers portray long distance relationships, or moving abroad for love, in a totally unrealistic and hyper-romantic way. Not a lot of people acknowledge how tough it is, or how many times you question yourself – which is sad, because it’s totally natural for it to be difficult and confusing. This is the kind of thing that people (me, for one!) need to read to know that they’re not crazy, or wrong, for having doubts. So thank you, and best of luck. Of course I hope it works out for you both!

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    • Thank you so much! πŸ™‚

      I think the same as you do; not only bloggers, but most people in general (and movies) portray relationships in an unrealistic way. I, myself, thought many times “Am I with the right guy?” when I read posts/saw movies about two people who seem in a perfect relationship and was comparing mine to theirs. We always put forward the best of our relationships in public, so nobody can judge us and put doubts in our minds. I realized I did it too with this blog when I was talking with one of my very good Canadian friend about the fact that I complain a lot to Hitomi recently, and she told me she thought Hitomi and I’s relationship was perfect by reading our posts, so she was surprised. It then pushed me to write this post, although it was kind of hard to press the “publish” button, since it’s very personal.

      So, I’m very happy you found support and comfort in reading this post. It was my first goal with it! You’re not crazy, and having doubts is normal. It means you have a head on your shoulders.

      Best of luck for you too πŸ˜€

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  10. Hey there! I read all of your posts and this one really struck a chord with me. I know you met Hitomi on a trip to Japan, and you are still young, but I think you have a good head on your shoulders. I think it is better to prepare yourself mentally for a big move than to jump in regardless of the consequences. I was feeling the same as you recently. Since high school trips to Japan, I knew I wanted to become fluent and live here long term. Now, I am a JET and I am glad I followed through on my dreams, but I met my boyfriend, who is Korean, and next year I’m planning on moving to Korea to be with him. In college, I loved watching Korean dramas, I had Korean roommates, and I took Korean classes. But I think in my heart I was always prepared to live in Japan, so when I met him and things started to shift, my brain got into freak out mode. I started to worry that I would have to learn another culture, another language, make new friends, etc. after going through years of preparation to live in Japan. I started to miss my family and friends, even though I have been away from them for a long time anyway. Finally, I started journaling about it, talking to my boyfriend, and making pro con lists. It really helped me see that no matter where I go, I will have to make adjustments, get used to new people, etc. And I am so lucky that I already chose to live in Japan alone because it gave me invaluable experience. I think you are in the same position. It’s good to think about the future, but don’t dwell on it too much. Things that you can’t even imagine will happen and it will mostly be good things. I have learned recently to get excited for what might come but to not become over anxious in thinking about the loneliness I might feel or the things I am ‘giving up’. I think a lot of my anxiety came from reading books or blogs about how ‘things didn’t work out when I moved for love’ but honestly every situation is different and as you get older, you will stop worrying so much what other people think. I’m not sure if my advice is helpful, but I am so glad you posted this because I had the exact same thoughts running through my head a few months ago. Now I am just excited to spend my last year on JET with people I love and I am ready for a new chapter in my life. We are young and have so much ahead of us. Don’t get too worried but know that you are doing yourself a favor by thinking in advanced.

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    • Thank you so much for your comment, it’s definitely helpful πŸ™‚
      I can imagine how hard it was for you to see your plans change completely, from living in Japan to living in Korea and having to learn a new language, new culture, etc. But at the same time, maybe it’s just how it was supposed to be. And I think it’s nice that you can discover a new culture!

      Let’s do our best and have fun! I’m curious to see how things will work out for you πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Pingback: The Pros and Cons of Moving Across the World for Love

  12. I felt much the same way after graduating and deciding to get a job in Japan (teaching English) to be near my boyfriend.

    We’d already dated a year and a half, one year of that long-distance, but I thought I needed more time to get to know him in person and I needed to try WORK in Japan, not just being a student, before agreeing to get married and live in Japan (in our faith we don’t live together before marriage).

    So I signed a one-year teaching contract at an eikaiwa in the city where my boyfriend lived, and I thought, “whether we break up or get engaged, I will be ok. I will be ok. If we break up I’ll just go back home with a year of work experience and better Japanese” granted I could already speak enough Japanese to be independent. So that was my thinking…I just went for it, I thought “I miss him and why not?”

    We went through a lot in that year and ended up getting married! We live in Japan now with plans to move to my home country in a couple of years.

    Personally I’m so glad I chose this path. Working in Japan is an education and an adventure every day. And I could get married to my favorite person πŸ™‚

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    • Aww, so happy to hear that!
      I like reading about successful stories πŸ™‚
      I think your way of seeing things is the best to feel relaxed about the whole moving thingy. I’m also thinking that whether we break up or not, it’ll be a good experience and I’ll be all right. I can always go back to Canada if I’m not happy!

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  13. Think about it this way: Would you regret it if you didn’t try living in Japan? It’s not like that time would be completely lost if things don’t work out the way you want them to. And if they do work out, it will be completely worth the effort. Also, it’s much easier moving abroad when you’re young and don’t have kids or a very stable job yet. You’ll have plenty of opportunities, you just need to watch out for them. And like other commenters already stated: You can always decide to go back if it doesn’t work for you. But trying definitely can’t hurt.

    I moved to China before I met my husband and would have wanted to live here anyways, so it never felt like I was giving anything up for him. We married because we wanted to make sure that no matter where we are, we can always be together (legally, at least). I probably would have never moved to his hometown, where we currently live, but it’s a nice experience and although I wouldn’t want to live here long-term (we plan to move to a bigger city in about 2 months time), I appreciate getting to know the town he grew up in.

    Finding friends is not as easy as I’d like it to be, but maybe that’s because I have a 5-month old son and taking care of him takes up a lot of my free time. But my husband makes an effort to introduce me to his friends and it has helped in making me feel less lonely. I hope it will be easier to find my own friends once we move to a bigger city.

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    • I would totally regret not giving it a shot!
      And the fact that you never felt like you were giving anything up for him is really important. Thinking that way is the best in my opinion!
      And as you said, I also traveled in Japan and was planning on studying here before I met Hitomi. That’s very important I think. That’s also why it’s more logical that I live in Japan instead of Hitomi living in Canada, because he was never really interested in Canada before he met me.

      I’m sure you’ll make friends easily in a bigger city! Of course having a son takes time, but you might also meet other mothers/fathers of young children that will understand your current situation!

      Have fun moving into a new evironment πŸ˜€ Adventures ahead! Haha

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  14. Okay, first off, just wanted to give you some support on the relationship stuff you talk about: all the stuff you’re going through with Hitomi is 100% normal for a long term relationship. You’re going through some growing pains right now (and likely will go through more if/when you move to Japan) and so it’s perfectly natural to be anxious about it. Chances are you two will work things out in time through communication and compromises.

    That said, it’s also good to be nervous about being dependent on him for the first few months in Japan. Things could definitely get difficult for you if the worst case scenario happens and you two break up. Chances are things will be fine, but I always find that it’s good to at least plan for some worst cases. I don’t know what kind of financial situation you’ll be in during/after your move to Japan, but here are a few things that have been rolling around in my mind:

    1) You mention wanting to do JET. JET jobs reportedly pay pretty well and, especially since you’d be living with Hitomi, should make it easy for you to save up money. That way if something happens and you have to find a place of your own, you will have a financial nest egg to help you with that transition. Even if things work out perfectly, the income from JET will help you to contribute to household expenses. Another possible good thing about JET is that the system is set up to support foreigners living in Japan, so it should be fairly easy to get help if you ever need it. The big cons for JET is that it tends to be a very isolated environment, so it’s hard to make Japanese friends and to improve your language skills. You also might have trouble finding a JET position close to Hitomi.

    2) Another possibility to consider, especially since you might be in Japan for the long run, is planning to go to a language school for 1 to 2 years. If you are in a financially tight situation, this might not be possible, but a lot of people at my old language school taught English on the evenings and weekends to fund their studies so it might be workable (especially since sharing a home with Hitomi should keep your living expenses lower than living alone, even in a dorm). Many Japanese language schools are set up to support foreigners who come to Japan to study, including having dorms, so that could also provide you a support system if you needed it. A big pro is that within 1 to 2 years, you could be practically fluent in Japanese. Not only would that help with communicating with Hitomi, but it also would mean that if anything ever happened and you were on your own that you would have the skills to handle the situation by yourself. Being fluent would also help you get a job here, if that’s something you’d want to do in the future. The biggest con, of course, is that it’s a huge drain on the finances. Depending on the school, tuition can cost up to Β₯1,000,000 a year or more. Even offsetting the cost by teaching English, it can be very expensive. It also can be stressful to go from a university environment to a language school (which tends to be structured more like a high school), especially if you are feeling a bit burnt out from studying.

    3) Before coming, you should familiarize yourself with the visas you can get in Japan and consider how that could impact your stay in Japan. The working visa requirements tend to be very specific, and because of that it can be hard to get any job that isn’t teaching English if you graduate with a BA. One of the issues I faced after finishing my stint at language school was that with my BA I was basically looking at either teaching English (no thanks) or translation work (which I considered, but is really not my forte). I chose to get a degree from a Japanese institution that would allow me to work in the IT industry; it worked out for me, but a friend of mine (who didn’t have the money to do more studies) had a lot of trouble getting a job despite his experience in the industry. So, before you come here it’s probably a good idea to take think about what requirements you might need to satisfy for potential future jobs in Japan and plan your time here accordingly.

    4) Remember that you’re not locked into anything. You can change your plans at any time, and likely whatever you decide to do now will undergo changes after you get here. I went through at least a dozen different “life plans” since coming here, and I’m still constantly tweaking my “5 year plan” every few months.

    5) Even if things don’t work out how you want them to, it’s not really a “fail”. Whatever kind of experiences you have here–good and bad–will be valuable to you as a person. I mean, worst case scenario where everything falls apart and you leave Japan within a year of coming here, you’ll still have had, as you said, a unique experience. In my book that’s a “win”.

    ….I practically just wrote a blog post myself! D:

    Anyway, just wanted to share some of my thoughts in case I can be of help to you. I remember the things I went through before and after coming to Japan and so I want to do what I can to ease your anxiety and help things go smoothly for you.

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    • I love comments-posts, so don’t worry! Haha!

      First, thank you very much for your support. I feel a bit more powerful and stronger each time I read an encouraging comment!
      Secondly, I forgot to mention that if I do enter JET, I actually aim for the CIR (international relations) position, not the ALT (English teaching). To be able to enter the CIR position, you have to have a good level of Japanese, because you generally work in a Japanese environment (office, etc). So actually, I think it might be possible to make friends, but I don’t know yet!

      And also, when you say you have a boyfriend/fiancΓ©/husband in Japan and want to live with him, they really try hard to place you in the same city as them. And if it’s not the first year, then you can still asked to be moved for the next. Fortunately, a lot of CIR go in Ishikawa (where Hitomi lives!). So it’s really a chance. But of course, we never know what might happen! I could be elsewhere, too!

      I also considered continuing to learn Japanese, and especially the kanji, which is my ultimate weakness! I want to be fluent, as I think it’s very important to be able to speak with Hitomi in Japanese (and also, his parents don’t speak English), and if I want to live in Japan, it’s just a must. And I love the language!

      For the visa, with JET I don’t need to do anything (and it’s for one to five years, if I’m lucky enough and if I like my job with them!), and after that I coud get a one year working-holiday visa, and after that, well I don’t know yet. It could either be giving a shot to the Working visa (which I heard is really hard to get) or if Hitomi and I are married (in a couple of years, we never know!), then I could have access to the Spouse visa. Also, I know it can be hard to get a job here in Japan as a foreigner (except for teaching English, which is not really appealing to me), so that’s why I thought JET could help me on that. I think it would be good on a resume. But if I don’t enter JET, I might try some freelancing if I’m not hired anywhere I want in Japan. But freelancing is pretty hard, too. Anyway, I really don’t know how the future will turn out, so I’ll just plan accordingly!

      Thank you so much for your advices. Really nice coming from someone who is an immigrant!
      And I think just like you; even if I have bad experiences, they are still experiences, so it’s not really a fail in itself.
      A BIG thank you again, as always ❀

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      • Ah, yeah, I don’t know much about the CIR position but it does seem less likely that you’d fall into the “English bubble” that a lot of ALTs have trouble breaking out of. It’s also good to hear that you’d have a good chance of being placed close to Hitomi! It would suck to come to Japan, at least in part, to be closer to him but then get stuck far enough away that you two are still in an LDR.

        Kanji is super tough to learn but being at least basically fluent in it (we’re talking knowing 500 to 1000 kanji by sight) is a HUGE help here. Regardless of what you end up doing here, I would definitely recommend continuing your Japanese education through a school. Most schools offer private lessons and classes tailored to people who work during the day, so you could probably find something that fits into your schedule. It’s an expense, but at the end of the day it’s money well spent. Recently I’ve been considering starting up private lessons myself, since my reading and writing skills have not improved at all since I started working. I mean, it’s nice that my fluency is “good enough” to get by as-is, but my goal is to be as fluent in Japanese as I am in English and I am not going to do that by just coasting by on “good enough”.

        JET definitely does make the visa situation easier, although it’s still a good idea to learn as much as you can about the visa process yourself just in case there’s a problem. The more familiar with the system you are, the easier it is to handle the problems that inevitably arise. I’ve had to deal with various problems stemming from misinformation about visa requirements that I’ve gotten from the in-person consultation staff and the websites, so I am firmly in the “know as much as you can” camp. Anyway, it sounds like you have a good handle on the visa stuff. Definitely you already know more than I did when I first moved to Japan.

        Anyway, I’m excited to see how everything goes for you and I look forward to hearing about how things are progressing πŸ˜€

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        • Thank you for the advices!

          I also want my level of Japanese to be as good as my English one, or even better (English is my second language). So yeah, I understand that you don’t want to just get by, because I feel the same. Kanji is a real pain, though! Haha

          I actually don’t know much about visas, because I only read a bit about them. I will definitely read about it more!

          Thank you very much for your support! πŸ˜€

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  15. Having doubts only shows you are mature and responsible.
    I am making the same choice (although in my case it also depends from whether I will be accepted in a taiwanese university or not) to move away from my Country not only to study but to be with my boyfriend as well, and I can assure you I know how you feel. I mean, it’s a choice that will affect your entire life! But I think I woud rather try and fail than miss the chance and live the rest of my life wondering how it would have worked out…
    Anyway, whatever way you chose, I hope it will lead you to happiness!

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  16. Wow. This feels like something I might have written right before I moved to Japan.
    I also moved over here at 21, right after tying the knot. It was difficult at first, I did get lonely – and sometimes I found myself staring into space and wondering “whhaaaaat am I doing??”

    But a year later, I’m so glad I did. I’ve really been able to florish here. It’s a nice feeling.

    And I think it’s wonderful that you’re thinking about all of this before you make the move – and you have both eyes wide open

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    • Did you write something along those lines? If you did, then I want to read it haha!
      Actually, while writing this post, I thought about you, too. I was wondering if you had the same anxieties before doing the big step. It’s nice to see I’m not alone!

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  17. This kind of thing is never easy, so I wish you luck in your decisions.

    I think the most important thing to do is think about your goals without him. Not because you are anticipating being without but because in order to find satisfaction fulfilling the things you want out of life, you need to be “selfish” and make decisions that will bring you internal happiness regardless of the people around you.

    I would never move across the world for someone without already having the intention of being in that place. Maybe that’s the kind if person I am but I am 27 years old and I’ve learned that boys come and go. Friends come and go. Even family isn’t permanent. You have to look out for yourself because you can’t trust someone will always do that for you.

    If you found yourself without him in Japan, would you leave? Is Japan where you want a career? Where you want to raise your future family if that’s a goal?

    I think having stresses in relationships is perfectly natural and trust me, living together is a challenge. But something that secures me in my relationship is the fact that he relies more on me than I do him. If we broke up I would hate it. But I would stay in Japan, I’d still have my job, I’d still have my goals, and I would keep on trucking. I was secure when he met me, he can’t take that away.

    I’m sorry if my comment comes off cold! But thinking about your personal security, dreams, and planning accordingly is the best advice I can give. Giving up your life for someone else without a clearview of what would make you happy may lead to bitterness and resentment, and I’d hate to see someone as sweet as you lose sight of your goals.

    Good luck and take your time!

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    • I don’t think you comment was cold at all! Actually, I keep telling myself exactly what you wrote (although I realize I didn’t really talk about it in this post).

      I’ve always wanted to give a shot to JET to work in Japan for a couple of years, and then work in an organization like the Red Cross or something along those lines. I’ve always been interested in humanitarian work and disaster control. I don’t really mind the country I’m going to live in; I just want to be happy.

      And that’s also why I want to make friends as soon as possible in a circle outside of my boyfriend, because if things go sour, I have someone to rely on if I need it, just like my family when I’m in Canada. I was feeling a bit guilty at first, thinking like that (very clinically I might say), but I also thought it was the right thing to do.

      But I would be lying if I said Hitomi is not the major reason why I’m thinking about moving to Japan. If I hadn’t met him, I would still be in Japan right now for a year abroad, and I would still want to try with JET, but having Hitomi by my side makes me work harder on those goals. I want to be with him, of course. But as you say, boys come and go (even if I feel he’s the one, that’s not always right), so I must be logical about all this.

      I don’t know if Japan will be the place where I’ll raise a family/have a career. Knowing myself, I might as well live in a complete different place/country, like Scotland or Switzerland or something. The world is big and life is (hopefully) long, so why not try? I really don’t know yet!

      In the best case, I would like it if Hitomi could spend a year in Canada on a working-holiday visa. We actually thought about it. But I know that in Japan, if you leave your job, then it’s a bit hard to get a new one later, what with all the loyalty to the company and all that. As much as I must think about me in all this, it’s also not fair for him to ruin his career for a year in Canada (even if I know he would probably do it if I asked). I don’t know.

      Anyway, thank you very much for your nice advices, it’s nice to see this type of comment to keep me on track. ❀

      Like

  18. I feel the same!

    My boyfriend is in the US while I live in Indonesia. Since we started this LDR, we agreed that when we got married I’ll move there, not the other way around. I’ve always wanted to become an expat and we always think that there are far more opportunities there for us. It’s been over a year since we started the relationship and we’re looking at another year or two before we finally get married (well that’s the plan so far)… but whenever we started to discuss the future I got anxious and sometimes even afraid, just like what you wrote. I guess the fact that I’m so used to being on my own makes it so hard to think that I’ll be his dependant when I move to the US. I’ll try to find a job, new friends and all that, but you know.. it gets me anxious. I think it’s because part of me think that I’m “sacrificing” to be with him.

    When I talked about this to my boyfriend, he calmed me down and told me to never think that I’m doing this for him but for us instead. That makes more sense to me. After all it was my decision to be with him even after knowing that he lives on the other side of the world. Like you said, let’s just jump head first into adventure! As a fellow LDR, I wish you all the best! πŸ™‚

    Like

    • Waw, we are in a very similar situation!
      Although I don’t plan to get married before at least living with my boyfriend for a year or so. I’m very logical about it. It’s kind of unromantic actually, but hey, I don’t want it to be a fail! I always thought you never know the person you’re with until you live the everyday life with them. We have all our life to get married, but when it’s done, it’s done and we can’t go back!

      Like one of the commenters on this post said, we should focus on our goals and own happiness. But also, thinking too much about it won’t do us any good, so let’s just do it and see πŸ˜€

      Best luck to us!

      Liked by 1 person

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