It’s not a secret, everybody knows this: the hardest part of any LDR (Long Distance Relationship) is that you miss the person you love. Sometimes, it’s not too bad; you just keep on living and try not think about the long distance too much. Your day might be going well, but then suddenly you smell your significant other’s scent somewhere, or you see a couple that is similar to yours holding hands, and that’s it. Your head becomes full again with all those memories of you two together — your lover’s smile when you did something silly, or the feeling of cuddling before going to sleep.
After almost a year and a half going back and fourth from being in a long distance relationship to seeing my boyfriend 24/7 for a couple of days, I know what I’m talking about. And let’s be honest; everytime we have to part again, I cry. Even if I know we’ll see each other in about two weeks, or a month, or six months. I still cry, because I know what I will have to go through all over again.
Just writing these lines make my eyes teary, but I might be an over emotional person.
So, after all this time, I now have my own counter-reactions and tips that help “surviving” the distance and going through the worst cases of missing episodes.
1. The first hours after the parting, let yourself cry as much as you need.
Find a secluded place, and just cry your heart out if you need it. If you can’t afford a private place to cry at the moment, well… don’t mind it. I’ve cried on planes and trains before, because I couldn’t hold it in. And yes, the old lady beside me on the train looked at me strangely and changed seats so that she wouldn’t be sitting next to me anymore. I must admit I had snot everywhere, so her reaction seems legit.
I don’t mean that you should scream or make a show out of it — just let the feelings overflow you. If it’s a only a small tear, or nothing at all, it’s fine.You must listen to yourself; those feelings are completely normal and must not be shut down in a corner.
2. After a couple of hours, distract yourself.
When I stop crying, I usually watch a movie while eating. Yes, I eat my emotions from time to time. The key is to have healthy food ready; my favorite being a bowl of raw vegetables (so good!) and fruits. But honestly, a piece or two of cake or chocolate will not kill you, either.
You can watch any type of movie you want. There is no restrictions, weither it’s a soppy romantic movie or a hardcore horror one. Watch something that you know you will like.
3. During the first days, try to get back in your normal routine as soon as possible, and go out!
It will give you a sense of purpose. If you’re going back to school, then go head first in your studies or any project you’re working on. It will get your brain at use, and you will not feel useless anymore.
Also, you absolutely shouldn’t lock yourself at home at all times. It won’t do you any good. If you stay at home, you will look at those pictures and you will listen to sad songs all day everyday. And guess what? Those things don’t help at all.
Instead, try to meet your friends after class sometimes, so that you have something to look forward too.
4. Time to find a hobby, if you don’t already have one!
Having a hobby that involves some evolution of projects is very good in my opinion — my personal one being, obviously, this blog, where I can talk about anything I want. It also kind of acts as a (not so) personal diary where I can express myself freely.
Learning new skills can also be a good way to forget a bit about your sadness and focus on your own capabilities and personal growth.
5. Use Skype and send messages everytime you feel the need to
It is of course not like seeing your partner in the flesh, but it keeps the love going and is a good substitute. Not every Skype sessions or messages will be super special or of any importance, but it’s still vital to keep in touch so that you don’t feel completely disconnected from your lover.
6. Have an “end date”
Planning the next time you will see each other is one of the best thing. You don’t have to count the days though; just knowing that you will see him/her again is a relief for the heart.
Last words: be independant! Learn how to live by yourself, to take care of your own life. A lover shouldn’t be everything; it is a huge plus in your happiness, but keep in mind that even without him/her, you are still whole and authentic.
To those of you out there who are reading those very lines because they are missing someone, I feel you. We are many people living this exact same situation of long distance — we all share the same kind of sorrow. Just don’t give up! You can also share your experiences freely in the comment section below; sometimes it’s good to talk about it. Don’t be shy!