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Stereotypes: Ignorance Or Superiority Complex?

45 Comments

It’s only when I started dating Hitomi that I realized we have a lot of stereotypes about Asian men here in the West. The comments people would sometimes tell me were really mind-blowing — in a bad way.
 Those people usually think it’s just a normal conversation with normal questions, but really all I see is either ignorance of other cultures or a big ego that hides a superiority complex underneath.

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I don’t like myself on this picture, but my boyfriend Hitomi is such a cutie here…

Why do some people see Asian men the way they do, as if they were less worthy than Caucasian men? Where did it all come from?

 

The concept of “gayness”

I think, as a North American person, that in the West we are very quick to label things as being “gay”. What we have to understand is, in another country, there’s good chances that the idea of masculinity will be a bit different than ours. In Canada, we were raised up in a way that if a man cries in public or takes care of his appearence a bit too much (according to the society), then we label him as being “gay”, even if it only means that he’s close to his feelings, which is considered as being feminine (gay = feminine, which is also wrong in my opinion). But in Japan, a man that doesn’t take care of his appearence at all will be considered as being somewhat dirty — at least that’s how I understand it. The idea of feminity is very different there than here in Canada.

So I understand when people say “That’s a man?” when I show them some pictures of (hot) male Kpop stars, because I honestly was exactly the same a couple of years ago. But the more you get in touch with other cultures, the more your tastes and your idea of what’s masculine and what’s not will change. I think that men who act like jerks just for the sake of being “manly” are very repulsive. A masochist is not really what I’m seeking in a man. I prefer a guy that is not afraid of showing his feelings and takes care of his general looks instead of a caveman. But that’s just my opinion.

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Hitomi is certainly not afraid of colors, and I love it.

 

The representation of Asian men in the media

So yes, I think that our preferences are socially conditionned by the society we live in. We get those ideas about other cultures hammered in our heads without even noticing it.

For example, in the West, the representations of Asian men are very limited, especially in movies. Usually, an Asian actor will either be considered as unsexy, will get killed or will be the nerdy one. Just look at roles like “Mr. Chow” in the movies Hangover and you’ll understand what I’m trying to say. So of course when all your life you’ve seen Asian men being represented like that, you have some prejudices when you finally meet one.

I also think that the reason why “Psy” has become so famous in North America is because he fits in the image the West has about Asian men — not sexy, but funny in his awkwardness while trying to get girls in his music videos. There’s a great deal of good Kpop songs out there, but Gangnam Style was the only one to break through the American market for now. Coincidence? Well, it’s certainly not because the song is better than the others.

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Glenn from the TV series “Walking Dead” and also Han in “Fast & Furious” are one of the few Asian roles who are sexually competent and got themselves beautiful “white” women on TV

There’s also an increasing amount of so-called documentary about Japan and theories on why the birth rates are slowly going down. Japan is pictured as being a weird country full of fetishes and awkward people by many of those documentaries. I think most of them are not scientific, but they get many views because that’s what’s trending right now. It’s all so unfair.

So when we think of Asian men, this is the stereotypes that come to our mind. I just wish we could have a more positive image of Asian men such as Glenn in “Walking Dead”.

 

The superiority complex

But what I really want to know is, what’s so terrifying about Asian men that some of the “white” men feel threatened like this?

Well, I think it’s a way for them to reaffirm their “race” superiority. Or else, why would they always have the need ask about Asians’ penis size? Why does it matter that much for them? The way some guys ask me about my boyfriend’s private part, I should think that it’s them who are a bit on the homosexual side. Why bother talking about that if that’s not the case? What’s the point? Either they are gay without admitting it, or they want to be superior to someone they don’t even know yet.

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Well my answer is good luck being better than that!

They tell themselves “Yeah, maybe Asians are smart, but they look like girls and they’re sexually awful”. They’re just trying to reaffirm their own confidence by the way they know best; sex.

What’s sad is that the average penis size has nothing to do with good or bad sex. That women still need to assure that to men in 2014 really baffles me. Honestly, if their “skills” in bed only hold by the size of that part of their anatomy, then I’m sorry but they’re probably already bad at it.

I know some of the people who ask me these kind of questions or talk to me about sex with my boyfriend were only joking. But what I find miserable is that some men (and women!) really think average penis size has an impact on the quality of a sexual life.

And the worst of it all is if I had never met my boyfriend, I would have probably never realized how much we have stereotypes on Asian men. I was very sad because of it for the first months in my relationship with Hitomi. I didn’t feel supported at all — I was even being laughed at.

It hurt.

But now I’ve got a thicker skin, thanks to that. I can see my own culture with new eyes and try to understand where all those stereotypes come from.

And anyway, the most important thing is that Hitomi and I are happy together. The rest, who cares!

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Author: Jasmine

Jasmine is a 20-something years old French-Canadian student and part-time blogger who loves traveling, drawing, listening to (all kind of) music and eating (everything). To achieve one of her biggest dream, she went in Japan for two months and a half as a tourist in 2013. She was an exchange student at Daito Bunka University in Saitama (near Tokyo) during the year 2014 - 2015. She is now studying to eventually become a nurse back in Canada, so she lacks time to write about Japan. You can still read all her posts on her blog, since she'll let them there for you to enjoy :)

45 thoughts on “Stereotypes: Ignorance Or Superiority Complex?

  1. Hi Jasmine.

    I believe that a fair number of them truly want to know if the stereotypes are true, and since you’re their friend they feel more comfortable asking you. If I were in their shoes with little contact with Asians in general or Japanese in this case I might need a friend to clarify matters. However a friend shows his true colors if he repeatedly brings up the size of another man’s tool.

    I would use such opportunities to debunk all these stereotype nonsense. My guess is that it’s White women who need assurance that there’s nothing wrong with dating a Japanese/Asian guy. I’m sure women also throw such questions at you.

    Lastly, I notice that I feel differently when I read about AMWF relationship issues and seeing pictures of AMWF couples. The former makes me feel badly in general. At work I wonder if every White women I walk past is thinking negatively about me. Meanwhile I don’t notice novelty when it comes to the latter scenario. AM-WF seems like a very normal pairing to my eyes.

    R

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    • You’re right. I keep thinking that it’s actually a chance for me to share my story and demystify some aspects of Japan to people who don’t really know anything about that country.
      Oh and yes, all the comments I received in Canada came from both genders.

      I don’t want to say that every person in the West is thinking negatively about Asian men. But I think in general Asian men are not well representated in the media. I’m sure not every white women you walk past think negatively. Some of them just don’t care, either! 🙂

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  2. You know, I never thought about it that way until you wrote “The way some guys ask me about my boyfriend’s private part, I should think that it’s them who are a bit on the homosexual side.” <- I shall keep this in mind in case it ever comes up. I've never been confronted directly with this since I met my husband, but I'm positive it will come up one day, so I'll save this comment as a good response for when it does. 😉
    (Sorry, I can't seem to leave your blog at the moment, very interesting posts!) 🙂

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    • I actually have many answers for that awkward question. Sometimes I just say “I don’t know if he has a small or big one, I didn’t sleep with all the Asians and Non-Asians of the entire world to be able to make statistics”. Which is actually true. I don’t know? And is it really important? And why would I share such information? Gah…
      And thanks for reading my blog, by the way 😀

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  3. Totally agree with this post, I was thinking the same thing as you about it, luckily the media never brainwashed me to think of Asian guys as unattractive, started noticing them already when I was in junior high/middle school as their was one in my class I had a crush on at that time a long time ago. It is unfair that they keep making documentaries on Japan pointing fingers at the guys saying they all have fetishes or are not “man enough.” I also think the whole acting like a jerk or macho attitude is not appealing to me either, I rather a guy express his feelings more and if he is sad to show he is sad, or into shopping, or if he wants to act “cute” rather than pretending to be a “tough guy.” Also I love when they take care about their appearance and like you said in Japanese culture for guys its important to take care/groom their appearance. My husband carries a yukata purse with him all the time and doesn’t think anything wrong with carrying a “purse” as a guy, he also calls his lipbalm/chapstick as lipstick, I just let him think it’s called lipstick because its cute. I am not very tall for a Cacausian so I think of Asian guys that are of a decent height as “tall dark and handsome” because when there is a decent height Asian guy well their natural hair is dark color, their eyes are dark brown and their skin is tan (usually), so that is my definition of tall dark and handsome so I do not understand why general media says Asian guys are not handsome DX Oh and also want to mention you both make such a cute couple!! 😀

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    • I honestly think the medias (especially movies) could have brainwashed me if I didn’t have an awesome sister that got me into manga and awesome friends that got me into Korean pop music. The fact that I’m studying in international relations and that I love to travel might help a bit, too.
      In my opinion, people that have no interest in other culture (or in Asia) are more easily brainwashed concerning stereotypes.

      Ah, the fetishes. I don’t know why everyone seems to think Japan is a very weird and kinky country? I mean yeah, there IS weird things in shops or advertisements from time to time, but it’s not as bad as what the media makes us believe.

      And there are handsome men all over the world! Sure there are tall, dark and handsome men in Japan, too 😀

      Thank you~

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  4. These “studies” are mostly hocum and conducted unscientifically http://www.globalpost.com/dispatches/globalpost-blogs/wanderlust/penis-sizes-worldwide-japan-united-states
    Different studies give you wildly different results.
    Anyway, 90% of all men are average. All these comes from the “yellow peril” days when asians first came to the west and started dating white women in record numbers and this even led to a riot in the US (look it up)

    I’m neither white nor East – Asian but I seem to detect that there is some insecurity among whites with asians. Watch a video of an asian guy on YouTube and I will guarantee you a size comment even if the video has nothing to with romance or sexuality. The Asian men are horribly represented in the mainstream media as well. But since the arrival of Youtube and new media the representation of asians has improved dramatically. Asians though being a minority are the dominant force on Youtube pretty much. I imagine things are going to change a lot in the future days. And you are doing your part by being with a Japanese dude. Haha

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    • That’s very interesting. Funny to find such conflicting “scientific studies”!
      I didn’t know about the riot in the US! That’s insane!
      You’re right. With the Korean music, Asian movies and Asian Youtube stars (like Ryan Higa), I think the general image of Asians is changing. I’m sure it will get better!

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    • It happened in the UK as well…during WW2 thousands of Chinese seamen (no laughing) helping out in the British war effort were stationed in British dock cities, eg. Liverpool… inevitably they put roots down and married local British women. After the war was over, white British men were not pleased… there were riots and protests… pressure led to the British Government deporting these men back to China, leaving their children without a dad.

      Their white British wives and children were lied to, as they were taken in the middle of night, believing that they were abandoned with no way of communicating with them.

      http://www.halfandhalf.org.uk/sww.htm

      It is ironic that shortly after (60s onwards), black and south asians came to Britain, interrmarried – and this time the British government could not do anything. I believe the same is in America – the Chinese Exclusion Act existed for East Asians but not blacks or south asians, who remained….. as a result white media allowed negative stereotypes to prevail (as there were no east asians to fight it), whilst negative stereotypes against blacks was gradually broken down as more and more white women were seen with black men.

      Yet the status of the original interracial relationship, between east asian men and white women, never recovered, to this day.

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      • I never heard about all that until today. Thank you for bringing new information to this post! It’s a really interesting discussion.

        It’s true that the stereotypes against “Black” people are gradually broken down, especially compared to the stereotypes against Asian men. I wonder if it’s because there was a time of slavery and intense racism, and now people feel guilty and are afraid of coming off as racist if they say anything about “Black” people. On the other hand, stereotypes against Asian men are much worst in my opinion, because people actually don’t see them as stereotypes. It’s not considered as racism like it is for “Black” people, for example.

        I dream of a world where stereotypes are all broken down one by one, and we just talk about culture instead of race. But that might not happen any time soon.

        Liked by 1 person

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  7. Just came across your blog. There was an article a few weeks ago called “8 reasons why Western women rarely marry Chinese men” that was full of stereotypes about Chinese men (and Western women). Some of the stereotypes are probably the same people have about Japanese men. I wrote my own response post (and some others did too). The stereotypes in the article are outright stupid, but people making penis-size jokes in real life… that’s just so immature. I’ve come across a few comments written by white guys living in China who think they need to “educate” Chinese men on how to get women. As though Chinese men in China do have problems with that and these guys are superior to them?! It’s just so weird.

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    • Actually, if I remember correctly, I read your post about it! 😀 I saw the “8 reasons why Western women rarely marry Chinese men”, too, because it kind of made a fuss in the AMWF community.

      The stereotypes are indeed somewhat the same, although (again, if I remember correctly) the “mama’s boy” isn’t really a stereotype for Japanese men. Well at least, I’ve never heard of Japanese men being known as overly attached to their mother. But the rest of the stereotypes in this article could have been applied to Japanese men as well.

      The “should I educate them how to get a woman?” thingy is really, really stupid. Men usually are in constant need of being superior (especially sexually) to the other men around them, so I guess the stereotypes come in play on that matter. The media influence doesn’t really help, either. Gah. Sometimes it makes me so frustrated!

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  9. Thank you for writing this – it’s so, so true.

    It makes me so upset that guys I thought were my friends think it’s okay to ask questions like that about my Japanese boyfriend. One even told me he *knew* he was bigger. I was frozen in shock and anger, but I wish I could have said something like ‘insecure much?’ or ‘so you’ve been spying on my boyfriend? are you gay?’ But I just shook my head and left.

    But sometimes it does feel like if I say he’s Japanese that I have to explain how I’m not dating him just because he’s Japanese. Sometimes it’s like people find out he’s Japanese and that’s all they need to know, and other times it’s like there’s this subtle hint of him not being as good as a white guy. It makes me sad.

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    • the guy who said he “knew” he was bigger… are you still with friends with him?

      I think the “victims” are a bit to blame on this too, for not changing things. Fair enough you were shocked, but if you don’t react without causing them embarrassment or teaching them a lesson, their attitudes will remain. Which I think is the whole reason why asian stereotypes are so prevalent compared to others. Because as a race, they don’t seem to fight back, or even complain. They “take it in”. This tells the racist that they are free to continue, because they have not suffered for being racist.

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      • Well, I used to be really good friends with the guy who said he ‘knew,’ but he kind of turned out to be a jerk in a few other ways as well (like eating half the chocolate I spent hours making for my boyfriend, and in an entire year of living with him, not once doing the dishes). But he’s also married to one of my best friends. So he’s a sort-of-friend, I guess. We don’t really talk unless my friend is there anymore though.

        I see what you’re saying, but at the time he was a really good friend of mine and we were roommates. I didn’t expect to ever hear that kind of thing from him. Like I said all the stuff I should have said sprang to my mind afterwards. Maybe next time it happens I’ll respond better. I hope so.

        I agree with Jasmine too – I think the ones that phrase these things as a genuine question are people that though ignorant, might listen to what you have to say. The people who state it as a fact, they’re just going to call you ‘overly sensitive’ and insist they are right, or shrug it off. Those people have already sealed the box in their mind labeled ‘Asian’ and it seems like unless they decide they want to unpack it again and reconsider their stereotypes, nothing you can do will change their minds.

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      • “(like eating half the chocolate I spent hours making for my boyfriend,”

        haha, that pretty much confirms how disgruntled he is with your boyfriend. It’s the sort of thing I did when I thought my parents gave more attention to my brother… when I was 3.

        Conversely I think the complete opposite with regards to stereotypes and racism – the ignorant ones you can sort of let them learn by themselves, where the ones who won’t budge on their racism are precisely the ones you need to target. There’s nothing more satisfying than engaging with something like that in a conversation and pushing it to its conclusion with logic and reason. They walk away, seemingly unrepentant as you say, but you know you’ve got to them. They will change.

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    • Ah yeah, I got the “I know I’m bigger”, too. Indeed insecure much, haha!
      I, too, was frozen in shock, especially in the beginning (when I wasn’t used to it yet).

      And as a reply to “Anonymous”: I would say it is very hard to change things, as this mindset is really difficult to argue against. Not because they are right, but because ignorant and/or rude people usually stay the way they are. Like, really. There’s actually nothing much we can do about it; it’s just the way they were brought up. There’s a difference between people asking questions (that might be rude) and people saying things (that are rude). Those who ask questions I can actually feel I might change their mind, but those who say things out of the blue, I can just tell them I don’t like it and hope for the best. At those moments I don’t really feel like “fighting”, but more like getting away and never talk to them again. But maybe you’re right; maybe that’s why racism still exist. I wouldn’t know!

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      • Na, I honestly believe those ones are the ones to worry about, and thus direct your efforts towards. If they become rude whilst you are trying to discuss it with reason, you can always use the “why are you so defensive/childish etc over this? Why not talk about it like adults?” point.

        By not even engaging with someone like that, you’re essentially allowing that attitude to fester and grow without resistance. And then when they have their own children, it wouldn’t be surprising if he raised his kids with the same stereotypes, continuing the cycle again.

        Fair enough, it’s very difficult even looking at these people in the eye let alone be in their presence to engage in conversation, but I just feel that leaving things alone is a good reason to why things are not getting better, as misunderstandings are never resolved, and stereotypes are not stamped out immediately.

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        • You’re right about not allowing that attitude.

          However, the conversation usually start with something along the lines of “My boyfriend is Japanese”, and then they go on about the usual penis size. And then, it’s hard to argue, mainly because there’s nothing much I can say, because there IS studies to testify that (although I don’t really believe in them). So, they will always rely to those “studies” to make their point across.

          And when I say “and sooo, why is penis size of my boyfriend important to you again?'”, then they say something like “It’s a guy thing, you can’t understand”. What can you answer to that?
          And sometimes, the fact that you argue like that is enough for them to say “Aah so I’m right, eh! You don’t want to answer!”.

          It’s horrible. It takes a lot of my energy, which I could put somewhere else that actually makes me HAPPY you know.

          But of course I’m always ready to fight against whatever stereotypes I might encounter, especially when it comes from ignorance (instead of a superiority complex and/or some kind of weird psychological projection).

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  10. Very astute observations, Jasmine! I think you can write a book on this subject!
    It is also interesting that it is usually WW, not AM, who receives more direct insults from others (typically from WM). I didn’t realize that my now-wife (WF-American) had received far more crap about our (me: AM-Japanese) relationship than she was letting on (because she didn’t want to upset me). Living in the US, I have not really gotten blatant racist-sexist insults in my face. It may have to do with what you and commentators describe as “covert fear” of AM (due to “positive stereotypes” like educational attainment, career success, [apparent] emotional stability, etc)–so they instead attack an easier target: WF. Racism has also long deployed policing white women’s sexuality (e.g., segregated US South’s lynching of black men who allegedly “checked out” WF, and public shaming of those WFs).
    Thank you again for your thoughtful post. I love your blog, and, as one half of another A(J)MWF couple (a bit older!), I am cheering for you and Hitomi-kun. You two look lovely!

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    • Thank you!

      It’s very interesting to have the point of view of the other half of AMWF! Hitomi also said he didn’t get those kind of comments about me in Japan (so of course nobody told him bad things to him, except the weird things like “She’s way out of your league, how did you do it? How surprising!”, which I don’t like at all), but he hasn’t come in Canada yet, so I don’t know what will happen then. But I think you’re right; I can guess people won’t say anything to him. However, they may say things to me.
      Bah, I’m used to it now!

      Maybe you’re wife didn’t have as much comments as I did? I don’t know… maybe it’s not as common as I think? There’s some people that never had any comments like I did, so I guess it’s possible afterall!

      Thank you so much 😀

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      • The comments/questions she had gotten that she did tell me afterwards are more or less the same as what you have gotten–how he is (I am) in bed, she shouldn’t marry me because JM would be a tyrannical husband, why she is “into a Jpn guy” (though I was her first Jpn BF), etc. So, no, I don’t think your experience in NAmerica is uncommon at all.
        Our courtship took place mostly in the US, so I didn’t get comments like Hitomi-kun has gotten in Jpn (although you ARE beautiful, and Hitomi-kun is indeed a lucky man!). Also, I am kinda an oblivious person, so I just don’t notice “stares” and subtle rudeness as much as my wife does (perhaps for the best! Haha), except for blatantly offensive ones (e.g., an elderly white acquaintance, who already knew me and our kids, tried to hook up her unmarried son with my wife, because she “could do better” than me, a JM!).
        Having said that, if Hitomi-kun ends up moving to Can to be with you, I do think you may have to become extra-supportive of him. Blatant or subtle, societal prejudice and disapproval would wear on him (and you), and there would be moments where he falls into a doubt-trap, thinking, “Maybe Jasmine would be better off with a ‘normal’ Canadian guy….” I know I have, and it was painful. On these occasions, only my wife’s reassurance could get me out of the hole.
        On the other hand, look at the bright side! It only makes your relationship stronger and emotional connection deeper 🙂 I am happy to report that, after all these years, we are the happiest couple we know! Ganbatte, Jasmine!

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        • Aww thank you! But when people high five him for being with me and all those kind of things, I strangely don’t like it! I think it’s kind of insulting for him… as if he was not worthy of me or something like that… But that happened only in Japan, so I guess every countries have their own reactions!
          I think Hitomi wouldn’t notice the stares either! hahaha
          What? Somebody tried to hook up their son to your wife? That’s just rude! :O

          We still don’t know where we’ll end up living, it could be anywhere really! But of course I would be super supportive! I would want him to feel just like home, and I would of course want him to be happy.

          Actually, I think he already thought that (the “better with a Canadian” thing), but I think it was more about cultural differences than anything else.

          I’m sad to hear those comments and stereotypes wore off on you.
          But I’m so glad to hear that you’re happy~
          I hope Hitomi and I will have a happy future like both of you! 😀

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  11. “And anyway, the most important thing is that Hitomi and I are happy together. The rest, who cares!”
    Exactly…and that’s all it matters. I realize when people make judgments, they are revealing more about themselves than the people they are judging.

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    • Right? But sometimes it’s coming from people you would have never expected and it’s a bit surprising.
      Oh well, what can we do! Being happy is the best answer to those judgments.

      Thank you for reading Eileen!

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  12. It ranges from the childish – racial “jokes” and insults e.g. mocking the girls’ fondness of takeaways and small genitals, to more measured “adult” stereotyping that is probably more damaging over time – how asians are male centric, how we are cruel etc. And the social ostracisation of her from her social circles. Maybe you’ve experienced some of this already, but with my long term girlfriend it wasn’t any fault on me or her’s part that drove us apart – it was the constant conflict she always had to deal with from family and friends. It was never direct, just a sly dig here and there. But multiply this over 4 years, it gets to you. She realised that it was never going to go away, and short of getting rid of her entire social circle and family (who are overwhelmingly “good” people – or that’s how they seem to be in public), there wasn’t much choice in the end.

    But yeah, even with friends it has happened. At university halls we went out together all the time – a mixed group of guys and girls, of all races. White man with any girl – no trouble. (as you’d expect). Black man with any girl except muslim (she got a lot of abuse from muslim men) – no trouble. Same with muslim men, except a few stares. But me with any girl that wasn’t asian – I ALWAYS got something, whether verbal, few times physical and definitely stares.

    The thing about the “positive” stereotyping is that it makes it more acceptable to be racist towards asians, their argument being “how is society racist towards asians when they have good jobs, wealth etc.”…. not taking into account (whether deliberate or not) that racism doesn’t just apply to education and work. Socially and culturally (which includes media), asians are far behind racially than other minorities.

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    • What a shame. I’m really sorry to hear that. I think I’m lucky about this; my family and friends are usually enough supportive of my relationship. I get jokes and comments a lot, but it’s not as bad enough that it would drive me apart from my boyfriend.

      Ah yeah, I heard about those stereotypes too (Asian men being cruel and stuff like that) but nobody ever told that to me regarding my relationship with an Asian man. I think those are even worst than the stereotypes on genitals and things like that. I guess I’m lucky I never heard those.

      Can I ask, what country do you live in (where you had all those stereotypes)? I won’t generalize or anything, I’m just curious about it.

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      • UK. Which you would think was a multicultural forward thinking nation, but just because there are more people from different backgrounds living here, does not mean they are getting along swimmingly. Outside of uni, people tend to self segregate (the exception is the very common white male-asian female combination) into their own groups, and at uni as I’ve said above, a lot of people seem to have different standards of racism, depending on what race you are.

        All the British born asians I have met seem to just accept it as a done thing, that racism will always be there, get on with your life. But I feel that this nonchalant approach is actually causing us damage in the long term.

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        • I feel like sometimes, when there are a lot of immigrants or different ethnicities in the same country, there’s a general xenophobia that appears, as if the people feel like they are “losing” their values and sense of nationality. For example, I think France has somewhat began to fear their immigrants recently, because they accepted many foreigners in the past. I don’t know if it has an effect on the stereotypes or not, but I guess it could to a certain degree. Maybe it’s the case for UK?

          The nonchalant approach is definitely not doing any good; I guess that’s why I wrote this post. But I can understand that sometimes you can feel as if it’s useless to fight these things.

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  13. The thing is, if the white male centric media thought about this for a second, they would realise how perverse it is imply another races’ male’s penises are small. A bit like confirming you’re gay and have been around – and with hundreds of millions of asian men (in order to get “an idea” – that’s a lot. So I don’t know why men insist on stating such things.

    ANd I am interested in the psychology behind those laughing at you with an asian man. When white are with black men, or arab men, I frequently hear (behind closed doors – never face to face) them say “what a shame” – as if they show disgust or lost potential for a woman who chooses beneath them. But with an asian man, it seems there is a category below even that – one of laughter, as if asian men aren’t even taken into consideration, whilst other non white, non asian men are.

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    • I think exactly the same as you when people say “So he has a small penis, right?”, I’m like “Oh, so you know about that now don’t you? Didn’t know you slept with hundreds of them to get statistics”. Most people brush it off saying “There are studies about this on internet”. At this point I usually just laugh because I think all that conversation is very useless in my life.

      I thought about the psychology, too. When I started dating with Hitomi, I felt (and still do) like people would make comments about him as if — exactly like you said — he is in a category even below than all the other “normal” stereotypes. I also don’t get it.
      I dated people from different backgrounds before, so this intercultural relationship is not a first time for me. But people never said a thing when I dated an African (maybe behind my back, like you said). However, it’s different with Hitomi.

      I wonder if it’s because of History and how people are easily called racists if they make jokes about “Black” people. The Arabs are presented in the media as something we, the Westerners, should fear (which is a stereotype I also hate). But Asians? You aren’t called a racist if you make jokes about them, and they are presented in a funny way in the media. Maybe that’s why people can easily say things to me that they wouldn’t have if my boyfriend was Arab or African.

      It was interesting to have the point of view of someone that heard those stereotypes in daily life as well! 🙂
      Are you in an intercultural realtionship?

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      • I’m single now, but in the past yes. I’m asian born in a white country so I encounter these stereotypes regularly, ESPECIALLY when I’m with a white girl – even when she’s just my friend, the verbal abuse we get is really bad. And ALWAYS stares.
        I think you’re right about the historical context, other races have suffered moreso than asians by white colonialism – or at least that is how it is portrayed in media – so people think it’s “fair game” to pick on asians. The relative success of asians – especially in white countries – is also a contributing factor probably, whereas arabs and africans are still discriminated against AND suffer the social repercussions more than asians e.g. employment, poverty, crime etc.

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        • I’m so sad to hear that. Even if you were born in the country, those stereotypes still reach to you. It must be really tiring.
          It’s nice to have the opinion of someone who’s from Asian descent living in a “White” country. It makes me curious about what kind of things people say to you when they see you with a “White” girl.

          I think you are right about employment, poverty and crime. In these fields, I feel like stereotypes on Asians are actually more “positive”; they are pictured as being good citizens, intelligent, hardworking and so on. But it’s still stereoypes, so I’m not sure if it’s good either.

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  14. Great article, it is true that for some reason white men being with Asian women is totally acceptable, but it’s weird for that to be flipped around. I don’t know if it’s superiority complex because Japanese people are pretty proud too, but I agree that it’s strange

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    • Thank you!
      Yeah I don’t know why it’s less common to see an Asian man with a “white” woman… I think it’s partly because of those stereotypes; the “white” girls aren’t really interested in Asians because of it. The stereotypes on Asian women are a bit less negative… maybe that’s why?
      Anyway, thanks for reading 😀

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    • “for some reason white men being with Asian women is totally acceptable, but it’s weird for that to be flipped around.”
      that’s b/c it’s mainly white men who controls the media in the west. they sexualize asian women, while doing the opposite to asian men.

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      • That’s a good point… I probably should have searched for studies about that a bit more before writing this post! It is quite interesting. I wonder if there’s also a possible link with the WWII…

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  15. J’adore tes articles ♥♥ c’est super de lire les propos de quelqu’un qui se posent les mêmes questions que moi et qui a les mêmes points de vue 🙂

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